Sunday, August 9, 2009

Lies Women Believe Chapters 6-8

Chapter 6 "Lies Women Believe about Marriage"
Oh which lie to choose, which lie to choose. All but one of the lies in this chapter are lies I have believed and therefore acted on at one time or another. This book is good not only in that it identifies the lies but it also helps us see the Truth from the Word of God so we can continue to combat the lies of Satan and the world. I will give you an overview of the chapter.

There are six lies in this chapter. The first is about being having to have a husband to be happy, and related to that, that once you are married your husband is the one who is supposed to make you happy. The Truth is the purpose of marriage like all other things we do is to Glorify God! True happiness can only be found in a relationship with Christ not in a human, no matter how close we are to them.

The second lie is that we can change our mates. Though I know now that I cannot change my husband, I have, in the past, fallen for this lie, and once in a while find myself trying to change my husband. As Nancy point out and I know we can only change ourselves. We must pray and leave it to the Holy Spirit to lead and change our husbands. We must trust God to do His work in our spouses life because what we think is best may not be what is best.

The third lie is not so much a problem for me "My Husband is Supposed to Serve Me." I know the woman was created to be the helper for the man, but sometimes I expect certain things of my husband and when he does not do them I am disappointed. I need to not focus on what I deserve but on what I can do for him.

The 4th lie is a hard one, "If I Submit to my Husband, I'll be Miserable." Nancy goes into a lot of detail on this lie and has many good points on this subject. Although we could not find any information on whether Nancy was married or not, we think she is not married, the points she makes are Biblical ones and ones that you do not need to be married to know about. Though this gives her no practical experience in this area the truth is still the truth.

The fifth is about husbands not getting things done and many times I have stepped in where I did not belong and took over when I thought my husband was not doing something he should be doing or not doing something "right". Here is a bold and hit you between the eyes with a 2 by 4 quote. "I can't help but wonder to what extent we women have demotivated and emasculated the men around us by our quickness to take the reins rather than waiting on the Lord to move men to action. We can so easily strip men of the motivation to rise to the challenge and provide the necessary leadership." She goes on and I have much of this chapter highlighted. Read it for yourself and you will see.

The last lie of this chapter is on divorce and I don't have a problem with that. I said till death do us part and I spoke those vows solemnly to God, my husband and the witnesses at our wedding and I meant it. Come what may divorce is not an option. There have been rough times, many of them. But we will work it out and stick it out no matter what circumstances come into our lives.

Chapter 7 "Lies Women Believe About Children"
This is one of the chapters we had the most difficulty with as a group. I am not going to go into that debate because it is to sensitive and personal. I will tell you it was about lie #27 and you will have to read the book to determine your opinion on this subject. If you have read this book please do not leave me a comment about this subject. I will most likely delete it, that is how difficult this was for me. Praise the Lord that he forgives us of everything.

There were other lies we discussed and I felt I had to bite my tongue. Especially this one, "Children Need to Get Exposed to the 'Real World' so that they can Lean to Function in it." We shelter our children a lot more that others of our church. I did not want to start an argument at Bible study so I said nothing about some of these children issues. My children do not really fit in with their peers at church. They sit with us for Sunday School and Church Service, do not go to youth group and have not been involved except were we can do it as a family. We have helped with VBS and we all help in the nursery now, except my dh. We homeschool and we do not do to many homeschool activities either. Some of the activities we dropped out of because of the peer pressure, clicks and general social problems our children were experiencing with the other homeschool kids, some of the things we dropped out of because of finances. I do not think kids need to be exposed to more of the 'real world' they get plenty of that and we try to protect them from as much as we can for as long as we can.

Chapter 8 "Lies Women Believe About Emotions"
This is the chapter we did yesterday. This whole chapter and our discussion of it was good. I don't know if that was just because we had taken a month off and were glad to be back together or if it was the topic or what, but it was good. This chapter is especially pertinent to me at this time because my emotions are all over the place. I have had some depression the last 4 years since my husbands back injury. I have not sought medical help. The section on depression opened my eyes to some things. Here is my favorite quote from this section pg 204-205.

"What we do know is that in many cases, physiological symptoms connected with depression are the fruit of issues that are in the realm of the soul and spirit -- issues such as ingratitude, unresolved conflict, irresponsibility, guilt, bitterness, unforgiveness, unbelief, claiming of rights, anger, and self-centeredness." I know that guilt, bitterness and unbelief were contributing factors in my depression and the depressed feelings lead to irresponsibility which lead to more guilt and the vicious cycle went round and round. "... my emotional lows are generally the result of my reaction to things not going 'my way'."

My wake up call was a difficulty I had with my son. He admitted to me that he had not been doing his math. I had no idea because I had not been keeping up with him and checking on him or his brother to make sure they were doing what they should. I did the bare minimum and then went to my room to play games, watch movies, read, blog or whatever... to escape reality. We now have many consequences to my actions that we have to deal with. My son is still not done last years math. I have to be on them about every little thing because I was so lax they think they can get away with not doing what they are told. We have work from last year to make up, like lapbooks that need to be glued together and checked to make sure all the mini booklets were filled out... and on it goes. Some days I want to revert to that mom that runs and hides but I know that will not solve anything and if I don't face things now they will only get worse. My husband and I are drawing the line and standing firm. Thank goodness he is feeling better healthwise (beside his bad back he has lymes, diabetes, and celiac disease) and he has been helping keep me and the boys accountable. That is a great help. The boys need their Dad to be more involved in their homeschooling.

I will end on a good note with one more small quote from the chapter on emotions. "Nothing less than the 'God of all comfort' can meet our deepest needs..."



Sheri said...

I hear ya on a lot of these issues-my teen is way behind in math cuz if I am not standing over her-it somehow gets "lost" and not done. So, you are not alone. I am cracking the whip more this year too...I just feel bad cuz I was not like this with the first 2, and somewhere along the line (illness, depression, moves, distractions, toddlers, etc.) the accountability went out the door. The workbox system has totally changed my son's work ethic because he can see it disappearing-and I have to be organized and accountable too. I am setting up a system for my daughter as well. She balked at first, but I told her that the check off lists didn't work, the prodding and so forth either-so we need to do something or she'll be graduating from high school when she is 25. So we'll see. I do know this, a lot of my friends have the same issues-so I think it is more a kid trait, not a homeschooling one. I also think because we're mom-there is less of a consequence than if they were in "school"-but that can be rectified by privileges being taken away, etc. Good post. Thought provoking and a good reminder to not let things go, cuz it only snowballs and plows us over in the end. :0)
Have a great day!

Michele said...

This is a grea post deb, and i appreciate your thoughts and open honesty about these lies. I think i am gonna copy you and do my own thoughts of this book and the lies it covers on my blog so that my family has something to read and think about. I love you and will see you in church on Sunday. I missed you last week, it was a great service. Talk to you soon,


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